I love picken on Arkie's... too many years of living by the state line having to listen to WOOO PIG SOOOWEEE.... ARGH!
Okie Joke of the Day -
An arkie decided to move to Oklahoma and become a chicken farmer. He gets set up and drops by the local feed store and asks where he can buy 1000 chicks. The owner fixes him up and about 2 weeks later he comes back, needing another 1000 chicks. This goes on pretty steady every 2 weeks for a couple of months.
Finally one day the feed store owner says "Son, that's 4000 chicks you've bought here in the last couple of months, you must be doing pretty well.
The ole arkie dropped his head and said, "Well honestly... they've all died."
Feed Store Owner - "Died!!! Well do you know what happened?"
Arkie - "Not sure really, either I planted em too deep or I'm wattering em too much..."
A big city lawyer from Texas went duck hunting in rural Oklahoma. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Texas and if you don't let me get that duck I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in Oklahoma... We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger so he agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie but the lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office and while there the doctor asked for a sperm count.
He gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
For all of you with the dirty minds, you should be ashamed!
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