Diary Entry

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And I
never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their
heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown
into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion
starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just
want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT???"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She
explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm
thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to
happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I
walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive
outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair
to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry department where she gets a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one
wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was
testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was
almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when
she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went
completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff
for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the spring of
2008.

 

You'll be quietly relocated by the end of the week.

 

do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

 

Edit

 

I am never right and I never win so I guess I am happy. Of course I do buy allot of victoria secrets stuff to make up for my little errors and expenses. I guess that is the only way a guy truly wins. Not only does she get something that she wants, we do too.

 

Haulingbutt and others here is a site you can go to to download spell checking software for all message boards. It works good in this forum as well.
http://www.iespell.com/download.php

 

Spell check is for cheaters. I am comfortable with my inabilities and realize that I can learn only through my mistakes.

But thanks for the offer.

 

Fordication

I don't know why you offered a spell check link, when you started a thread entitled "My dairy entry of the week". Regardless, thought I would say that is one funny story. YOU mentioned this all began last week, is she still upset? Again nice story, later

 

Funny.

jwtaylor, this story has been circulating around the net for years........

 

OH, my mistake, that is one funny story. Later

 

That's like a "Visa" story...it's priceless!

 

__________________
I appologize for nothing but my spelling.



I just saw her sig and thought I could help. Just trying to be nice to people that are smart enough to own a ford but not smart enough to vote Republican. (as Ed slinks right on out the back door)

 

First of all, what leads you to believe that I'm a she and not a he?

Secondly, what makes you think I vote to the left?

I'm sure that just about everyone on here, accept you, knows where I stand. If not look up the "Lay it on the Line" thread from last month.

 

I apoligize HB. I thought the picture showing the girl was you and some of the remarks made in another thread that had to do with politics led me to believe you were bit of a liberal. Now that I checked out your profile and found out you live next door to me I may have judged you wrongly. Actually I was only trying to be funny in a funny thread unlike my attempts to be serious in a political thread. Where at in South Texas. I am in Lake Jackson. Ed

 

i thought this thread was about cows!you guys are a little hard to follow sometimes