One of my friends sent me this:

FROM THE DESK 0F S. CLAUS
>
>I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
>serve the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
>Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on
>Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
>my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local
>209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for
>milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your
>children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens
>to be my third cousin, Bubba Joe Claus. His side of the family is from
>the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good
>boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us:
>
>1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
>Joe Claus because he has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker
>that reads, "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson".
>
>2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Joe Claus prefers that children
>leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And
>Bubba Joe Claus doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so
>please have an empty spit can handy.
>
>3. Bubba Joe Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
>instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
>reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba Joe Claus'
>fireplace.
>
>4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when
>Bubba Joe Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, Andretti,
>on Elliott and Petty
>
>5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" You also are likely to
>hear Bubba Joe Claus' elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
>
>6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Joe Claus' sleigh does
>have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, "Back
>Off".
>
>7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
>and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
>area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and " Smokey and
>the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Joe Claus and dozens of
>state patrol cars crashing into each other. And Finally,
>
>8. Bubba Joe Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure
>your wife and kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
>under the tree.
>
>Sincerely yours,
>Santa Claus

 

hehe, thats a good one

 

Hey, my spitoon is buy the fireplace all polished with glee.

. . or was that mucky with goo . .

 

That was hilarious

 

if you really want to get on bubba clauses good list, leave him a Budweiser instead of RC

 

Toooooooooooooooo much!
Funny and clean

 

haa haa, good one there

 

I was thinkin about leavin some 'shine for im to drink.

 

Good one
I left Santa some Deer Jerky

 

You gotta love Bubba. nice poem