Hey all,

My wife and I had a Halloween party this weekend that resulted in a messed up relationship between her sister and her sisters boyfriend. You know how it goes, folks get to drinking and stuff that shouldn't happen happens.

Well, this is all it took for my wife and I to realize that we really need some new friends to hang out with. We just don't feel like we fit in with the crowd that her sister does and wants us to.

The problem is, I work messed up schedules. A week of 8-5, then a week of 12-9. She doesn't work, but has her hands full 90% of the time with our 2 1/s year old son. So between the 2 of us, we don't really have the time to get out and make new friends.

Don't get me wrong, we get out and go to the movies and out to eat with her sister and sister's boyfriend all the time, this is fine. But we're just not the kind of party animals that they are or want us to be.

Any thoughts on how a couple of NE Tennesse folks can find some new friends?

 

Church is one or maybe clubs or organizations to get involved with. Just a thought.

 

We really don't know what to do. We're both young, she's 21 and I'm 24. I don't really trust anything from the internet just because everything you see is so "Adult" oriented, and that's just not what we want. Don't get me wrong, we like to go out to the bars and drink every now and again, but it gets old when that's the only thing that other folks our age want to do. It almost seems like we're growing up and no one else wants to.

 

yeah...and part of what you feeling is the reponsibility you have with your marriage and your son. many people your age don't worry about those things. It's not unusual for you to start going a different direction than some of those around you based on your job, family, etc.... I would recommed church...there are a lot of good churches that have active young family or young adult groups. Also, check into areas that intrest you both. For example, if you both are avid bowlers, check into local leagues. If you both have the same interest, try doing that together in some organization in your community. All couples at some point or another go thru such changes.

 

Nick,

being an on call 24-7 Professional Computer Geek I kinda know where you are coming from.

Based on that experience I can tell you what has worked very well for me:

Bicycling

~and~

Kayaking.

The types of either are flexible to meet your preferences. however, I can offer some time tested observations:

1) As a general rule few "low lifes" are into either sport.
Obviously as both sports are so diversified there are ranges of personality types. But generally bad folks ain't much into peddling or paddling as a form of recreation and socialization.

2) If someone does makes fun of you for wearing/using safety equipment just smile, and then do not go with them again. There are a couple of unique eitquite items that will get you ribbing though:
A) A kickstand on a mountain bike.
B) A high back bucket seat out of an Excursion in your sea kayak.

. . to name just two.

In closing, I would just like to remind you again that there are many 'shades of gray' in each recreation. You can be as hard core OR as . . . easy, as you want to be, and there are already like minded (and skilled) folks there waiting to join you.

For instance (pardon the local plugs)

http://www.suwanneebike.org/2003/

or

http://www.paddletally.org

HTH.

 

Thanks for the advice folks. We actually feel pretty good that we're starting to "mature" at a young age even though it does put a bit of a damper on the social life. We really looked hard at the things that happened over the weekend and realized how childish my sister in law and her boyfriend were being over something they both got started. We'd much rather get out and go bowling with friends, go to a club every now and then, or go to a movie. The hardcore partying just doesn't cut it anymore

Keep the ideas coming.

 

Try doing something with older cousins, maybe. That's what we do from time to time. Visit out of town friends. Take up dancing lessons.

 

You're going to get lots of replies here to go to Church or Church groups, fine if you're into that kinda thing, no doubt you'll meet people there. There are lots of options out there though.

You're at a tricky stage right now because you're moving a little faster than your peers age group wise. They'll catch up, but in the meantime, you're going to have to seek out people that are a few years older than yourself. Most people in your boat are in their mid 20's to early 30's, but by the sounds of it, you've reached their level of maturity, and they'd likely be a better fit for you.

In terms of activities - forget the hardcore competitive sports. Try softball, beer league hockey, flag football, golf, hiking, kayaking, etc... You'll meet other guys there with the same mindset and family situation as yourself, the same basic guide applies to your wife.

As your career develops, business relationships can also become great friendships.

One thing I've noticed, kids form a distinct social barrier. Those without young kids and those with young kids rarely mix on any kind of a meaningful level. It's too hard for both sides.

Look to meet other couples with young kids. The best way to do it is through activities of the kids themselves. It's easy once they're older and playing on different teams, involved in activities, and going to school. You'll have a huge pool of parents to pull some good friends from. In the meantime, it's a little tougher, you have to do it through your own contacts.

Once you meet other couples with young kids and build up a friendship, it's a great thing, especially if the kids all get along. You don't have to worry about your kids when you're together, and chances are you'll be able to pawn them off now and then if you want to.

Don't give up, be proactive. Remember though, that as you age, the number of friends you have will decrease, but the quality of the ones remaining will only increase.

Waxy

 

One thing that will change is when the 2 1/2 year old starts school. You will find yourself introduced to a wide range of people with kids about the same age as yours. One other thing I have learned, men tend to loose friends as they mature, there's even a some studies about it. You get older and the guys (like your sisters' friends) you used to hang out with drift apart or move on. Men don't pick up the phone to yack like women, they work, come home to a hobby or the TV and a beer and go to bed. Then do it all over again the next day. With your wife being a stay at home mom with a preschool child she is isolated more them most who get wrapped up in school events (you know the dreaded soccer mom). We moved to a new small town and my wife stayed home for a year with the babies. We didn't know anybody. She went back to teaching and suddenly everybody knew us.

 

Well put waxy...

 

Great thoughts folks. I guess everyone goes through it at some point or another. My wife is really stressing because she does spend so much time with the little man. She and I do go out, but she and I both agree that we just need some mature friends to hang out with at the house, or movies, bowling, bar, etc.

I guess it's like what you guys are saying, a faze.

 

Thanks fisher.

I hope I didn't offend with the Church thing, it wasn't directed at you.

Sure wish I was headed to West Texas, I'd really like to meet you for a beer one day, I'd even buy.

Waxy

 

no offense taken....I'd let you buy me a coke ...I wouldn't mind sitting down with you either.... Have you been hunting last couple of weeks? any luck? we went dove hunting couple of weeks ago and they were EVERYWHERE .... had a great time and limited out. Quail season opened this past saturday, but the weather was terrible. Deer (general) season opens this saturday. Hoping to get out soon!!!

 

How about truck & tractor pulling events? You guys down south must have quite a bit of that going on. Get a gang of members and their familys together for the next big event?

 

That's the bad thing about where we live, we're about 30 minutes away from Knoxville, but there's really nothing much happening there other than ball games. I can't really drag the Mrs. to a game unless its the Lady Vols. In our home town, LaFollette, there's really nothing but a movie theatre and Wal-Mart.

And, in case some of you have heard on the news, Yes, there is a supposed Monkey/Orangutan/Skunk Ape/Sasquatch on the loose eating kittens and scaring the locals. So they say anyhow.