I just found this place, I usually live in the Excursion forum. With the cool kids.

This is also going to be completely scatterbrained, potentially hard to follow, and I don't really expect a lot of replies or responses - no hard feelings on that.

I've been out for 13 months, home for almost a year. Took some time and enjoyed exploring the country on my way home to Texas from Washington state.

Being in was fun, typical sea- and military-stories. Managed to die three times, once from some mutant strand of pneumonia and swine flu in Djibuti, drowned once when I got blown off the flight deck when a JBD hydraulic ram failed with a Prowler at full juice for take off, and the third in a motorcycle accident. Good stuff, lol.

Anyhow... I feel like a complete outsider in my own family. Every holiday or family get together is weird, I'm the complete black sheep of the family, but it wasn't always like this - not before I left. I enlisted in the Navy when I was 20 and realized my life was going nowhere. I hated school, I hated college, and I wanted to do something so I signed on the line and took off. Eight years, eleven deployments, two marriages, and an amazing little daughter and I had had enough and got out and came home. Did everything right prior to receiving the DD214, and since I was recently divorced I moved back in at home. Weird. Now I'm 29 and back in my old room at the folks' place, little sister still here too.

Every single job opportunity I applied for, I didn't get. Instead of wallowing in it, I signed up for school to keep my life going and also because I desperately needed some form of income because the bills don't stop just because your pay checks do... Post 9/11 GI Bill BAH was better than nothing.

I struggled with Thanksgiving and Christmas last year a lot because it hadn't occurred to me that while I was gone, everyone else grew up and grew together as well. Eight years was a long time it be away from a close-knit family, and with my schedules and time zones I kind of fell out of the picture for most of the family. Never my parents, we talked every few weeks and such and they helped me out if I got into a bind or needed an ear.

I've given it a year, I've tried my damnedest to participate and fit back in, and it just isn't happening. Friends from school are great, but I live on the opposite end of Houston from literally all of them so trying to hang out is difficult. That and I get tired of driving over an hour every time people want to get together, I'm not going to have everyone drive to me... I'm not like that. That and they have to work outside of school, which is cool.

I just feel like a goddamn outcast in my own life. Ironically my ex-wife and mother of my daughter and I get along better than we did when we were married, and thankfully she moved to Houston to be with her family as well so my daughter is close.

I'm sick of not fitting in where I used to, in my own family no less. TAPS class and all the other separation training and counseling failed miserably to mention that yeah, there might be this enough gaping rift that has grown unseen, which is fair enough - peoples' lives continue whether you're there or not. It's just so weird being excluded from everything, and it's not anybody's fault (not looking to cast blame either, I'm not like that - own what's yours)... They just continued to grow as a family while I wasn't there. Eight years is a lot of memories and time together - all of which I missed because I was developing my own good times.

Even the friends I had while active duty have drifted away (minus one who has remained strong and close), which is something I was kind of expecting. Is it wrong to think of the friends you make while in the service as temporary? Rarely did anyone in my rate (MOS, billet, whatever) get orders to a different squadron on the same base... So accordingly, you expected your friendships to end after 2-4 years. Not a huge deal, I met a lot of people and had a lot of good times.

If anything I just wish I could sleep. I have DPSD (delayed sleep phase syndrome), basically my circadian rhythm is completely F'd from a normal person's in that I've been on so many different schedules in so many different time zones that my body no longer functions on a standard day-night schedule, it sleeps when it gets tired - sometimes. Most of the time I stare at the ceiling and end up running for days on 3-4 hours of sleep, like right now. Which may be where all this scattered brained gibberish is coming from, LOL.

I think I'll stop there.

 

Have you talked to the VA for counseling at all? Physically active? PT is a great thing for stress and clearing the mind.

I have been to recent military events and felt like an outcast as well. Similar to your Family functions. (Funeral and Retirement Ceremony) Standing in the room, start talking to someone and in the middle they just turn and talk to someone else. It is totally F'ed. I actually noticed someone else standing there and no one talking to them either as if they were not there. That is when I knew it was time to leave.

Some parts of my family are connected and I feel other members live with this secret squirrel life around them(my own Dad and Step Mom). I personally don't invest much effort into the ones who just don't care or if they do, don't show it. For me it is just easier to do the things for my Wife and Children. If others want to come along for the ride they know where I'll be.

 

The VA is your best resource as well as a vigorous exercise plan.

Here's the thing about us military folks, we have nothing in common with the folks who never served. We see and do stuff that others read or hear about. Our goals are different, political views change, view of global happens change, etc.

In 2009 I went back to Maine for my 30th year HS class reunion. I'm not the only member of my class to have served but I'm the only one to make a career of it out of 96 people.

I was able to carry on a conversation with my classmates and have some fun but in truth, I didn't really have a good time. Hell, I'm a square knot sailor, I've circumnavigated the earth three times under water, rode the "Perfect Storm" on a 270' Coast Guard Cutter, been involved with some top secret stuff and I've plucked dead bodies from the ocean more times than I care to admit.

This stuff does something to ya beside making you mature into a man real early in life.

Don't be too hard on yourself shipmate.

 

Those 270' are like a lopped off 378 or something right? I heard about them in A school a couple years back. The stern comes out of the water in high seas and makes a loud howling noise where the aft birthing is. Are they pretty rough?

 

They're nothing like a 378'. The 378's were designed and built by the Navy for the Coast Guard's involvement in the Vietnam War and of course for future use. Rumors say that 100' of the front end was removed from the 270' to cut costs. The way the forward section of the ship looks to me, it looks like it was designed to be as is.

The 270's ride like schit, period. Constantly burying the bow thus bringing the transom out of the water. As the stern comes back down, the screws are digging and that gives you a lot of vibration and shuddering.

In the mid 90's, the Coast Guard sent Harriet Lane around to the Bering Sea. Her skipper was Paul Zukunft, yes sir, the current Commandant of the Coast Guard and my first XO on Bear. This man is a sailor and a great skipper.

Needless to say, Harriet Lane proved why the 270's fleet has and will always remain on the East Coast.

I served on Hamilton during my last two years from 2002-2004. In that time frame I sailed to Hawaii, Alaska and as far south as the equator. The 378 was a very solid sea worthy vessel and she was set up to handle anything that could be thrown at her except icebergs and oil spills.

Sadly, these old girls have outlived their service lives and are on their way out now.

 

Matt, I also recommend the VA as a resource and help. As others have said, I also recommend a good, regular PT regimen. For myself, my motorcycle is my therapy.

You are right; those who have not served have no clue.

 

I appreciate it guys. PT has been in full swing since before I got out, and I've been waiting to get seen at the VA since Christmas - they're really crap here.

Used to do the motorcycle thing as an outlet... Traded it for the Chevelle a few years ago, then recently blew the motor out the oil pan with a 175-squeeze. New motor is almost done though... Maybe that'll help and be therapeutic.

It boggles my mind how people that have never served have no idea, yet remain so ignorant to say to just get over it.

 

My answer to that stupid remark from people is to look them dead in the eye and tell them "You never get over it; you just have to learn how to cope and live with it"
.

 

There are some of us who didn't serve that understand.
In 1969 I went for my draft physical. I was given a 1Y because of my eyes & sent home later it was changed to 4F. I carried guilt for years for not going to Vietnam. But it has been service friends that helped me through that guilt. In later years I work for Defense Contractors. I grew up where the largest Naval Ammunition Depot in the world was located.
When my buddy came home from Vietnam after two tours in the Air Force on the ground. We lived together for two years. I got to experience not only pictures he brought back as he was a combat photographer. But the hearing a bang & hitting the deck & the list goes on. I didn't know first hand what he went through but I was able to be an understanding friend. My heart goes out to our Vets. What pisses me off the most is the Government won't take care of you guys & gals as promised 100% in a timely manner. Wounded Warriors is a good example. The only organization we donate to, but everything they do should be funded 100% by the Government. You guys shouldn't need private donation help as they provide. You guys served our Country & promises were made when you signed & they need to be kept 100%.
Thanks to all of you for your service. Believe me feeling distant or weird around family isn't just a service thing. I know I think it happens when anyone leaves home young & doesn't return for years as I did. I refuse to go to class reunions etc. because I don't feel I fit either.

 

Craig, you are a wonderful exception to the mainstream of those who never served.

 

 

Readjusting to civilian life takes time but you never completely readjust, once a soldier always a soldier and the military makes you a bit of as loner, at least it did with me..
Too independent and try to solve everything on my own, the VA psych did a lot for me but i still ended up with PTSD depression and insomnia, all kinds of pills but the one thing that really helps me is medical marijuana and lets me do without most of the pills.. They have group counseling and stuff like that but most of the problems in your head can be solved through meditation and soul searching, mind over body and the mind controls the body, nothing is permanent and all the old habits can be changed, the circadian rhythm can be corrected with time and persistence and possibly sleeping aids such as ambien but you need to take control of your mind and body and tell it what to do.. It may not listen at first but it's just like telling yourself a lie over and over again, after a while you begin to believe it even if its not true, keep telling your mind and body what to do and eventually it will listen, trust me on this

 

Sounds like chronic adjustment disorder and you need to try natural methods for sleep patterns

Melatonin.
Bio feedback. VA is getting big on both.
Stay away from any prescription sleep mess PLEASE.

- Doc
FMF and former VA-34 plane captain

 

WAY late to the thread here, but I'm just now finding this area of the forum (also from the Excursion area where the cool kids chill). Have to agree Matt, civis have no idea what it's like and why we act like we do. Wife gets mad at me all the time when we're working together because I "Give her orders" even though I'm just telling her what needs to be done. I'm not ordering her to do ANYTHING, and would never do such a thing but apparently when you ask someone to do something and not in the sweetest most pleasant tone and say pretty pretty please then it's an order. I only made it to E-4, but I was a strong E-4. I worked my *** off and was good at what I did. I never got in real trouble (no Article-15 action) but swapped units and jobs so promotions were hard to get. I got in trouble as an assistant store manager for Game Stop when I got out of the Army the first time for telling my one worker to "Go the **** home" because he was a ****bag. I clocked him out when he wouldn't leave and I ended up getting in trouble because I ran the store without anyone else there (safety issue). It's hard in the outside world... I don't get it.

 

It can be hard. Look for veteran friendly employers.

Also, not for everyone but for those that may be eligible
General Frequently Asked Questions