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  #1  
Old 03-20-2011, 08:14 PM
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Wink JOKE - I think!

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket... When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

*After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw...injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.

Now that was a well written Police report.
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  #2  
Old 03-21-2011, 06:29 PM
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I agree
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2011, 04:34 PM
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racsantina is gaining momentum as a positive member of FTE.
A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he
turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if
you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming ,
universal health care , or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you
a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -
grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat
patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to
discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you
don't know ****?"

And then she went back to reading her book.
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Old 05-03-2011, 09:10 AM
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From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside of a bar in Alaska . After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off -- it was a fine, dry summer night -- flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all !!!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Alaskan, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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  #5  
Old 05-03-2011, 06:40 PM
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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cowboywanabe View Post
Yes I do... I've been told on several occasions I should be on happy pills to make it possible for someone to live with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 67nukeford View Post
Rob would probably hurt himself just being in the same room with tools.....LOL
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Old 05-03-2011, 06:45 PM
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Have you been reading the bible again.............
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Old 05-03-2011, 07:20 PM
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maybe..........................
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Yes I do... I've been told on several occasions I should be on happy pills to make it possible for someone to live with me.
Quote:
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Rob would probably hurt himself just being in the same room with tools.....LOL
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Old 05-03-2011, 07:20 PM
 
 
 
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